Christianity. Post-Atheism.

I have something burning within my chest and I just have to get it out. Please bear with me.

How many people have you seen turn to God because someone argued them into it? If you know of even one please let me know because that will be the first time I’ve heard of such actions working. Look into your bibles and tell me when Jesus spent an extraordinary amount of time arguing the perks of living life with God. Jesus said what needed to be said and moved on. If someone’s eyes and/or ears haven’t been opened by God I don’t think there’s anything we can say or do to change that fact. That’s an area where only God can move. We need to know our roles.

When I was an atheist if a Christian tried to argue their beliefs against mine it just solidified my reasons for not believing in their God. If they took the time to argue my beliefs it told me that they weren’t comfortable in their own faith, and that quite possibly, I was onto something. Something that made them uncomfortable. And that made me happy. 

You see, when you don’t believe in God, a Creator, you are faced with the possibility that life is meaningless. What’s the point in being here? Why do anything? These are tough questions to handle, so it only made sense to me that somewhere during the course of history, in order to cope with the loneliness and pointlessness of life, humans created “God” to make themselves feel better, to give life meaning, and probably to try to maintain some form of moral order among society. Naturally, I viewed Christians as weak individuals who needed a crutch. Oh, and they were bitter, wanted everyone’s money, and only cared about their “God” while in church.

It sounds silly and a bit like an ABC Family movie, but all I really wanted was for someone to care. For someone to take the time to get to know me, and accept me despite my flaws. I wanted to be held because I hurt. I was drowning because everywhere I turned was bitterness, judging eyes, and pain. I wasn’t searching for someone to beat me down for my mistakes. I didn’t need someone to argue with me for an hour about how much I needed Jesus. What I needed most was never offered to me because they were too busy trying to prove themselves right.

The only person who loved me unconditionally, and I knew it without any doubt whatsoever, was my mother. I eventually decided life without God was meaningless and I, in turn, was worthless. I was going to overdose on various medications found throughout my mom’s house, and considering she’s a nurse, she had quite a [legal] collection. I was going to do it late at night after my mom and step-dad had gone to bed. She would find me unresponsive in bed the next morning. Quiet and without attention, exactly as I like everything. But because of everything my mom had done for me, the love she had shown me despite my disappointing her over and over, I would do one last thing for her. She had asked me to go on a trip with her church. I certainly didn’t want to go, but I went.

Long story short, I don’t remember a single word that was said by a singer, speaker, teacher, or anyone that went on the trip with me. What I do know is that on a Saturday night while sitting amongst close to 20,000 people God told me he loved me. And I did have a purpose. And regardless of all the stupid things I’d said, done, or thought he still loved me. So there I sat, a shy and quiet twenty year old who’d shut everyone and everything out of his heart, with a multitude of humanity surrounding me with tears streaming down my face. Because somehow, and for some reason, this God who I didn’t know, cared about me. And as I sat there I thought about how close I was to ending my life. To destroying his purpose for me. Of breaking the heart of someone who loved me so. Non-Christians and Christians alike didn’t care about my problems. I had given up. But he hadn’t.

So let me ask you this. What message are we sending? The truth of God’s holiness and our inability to live up to those expectations is important. However, the good news of the gospel is that we no longer have to be perfect to live in communion with God. Jesus has already made it so. We can’t earn it, so please, let us stop teaching that God’s satisfaction with us is dependent upon our actions. Doing so greatly reduces our view of Jesus as savior and, honestly, seems like a slap to the face of the Creator. Let us love unconditionally just as we are loved unconditionally. And yes, that means we need to love those who don’t share our views. What good are we when we only love and serve those who are like us? Where would I be had someone not loved me unconditionally? Rotting in a casket somewhere and all the Christians from my past would be saying, “Well, I tried to tell him.” Yeah. Thanks.

I don’t care if you agree with me, and if you want to argue about something I said, don’t. Just think about it and if you disagree that’s perfectly fine with me, just don’t waste my time with an argument. There are much better ways to spend our days. We are meant to be God’s presence in a broken world. Would Jesus be sitting around telling people how horrible they are? No, he’d be healing the sick, comforting the afflicted, and having dinner with the people to whom we turn our noses. 

“On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.” Matthew 9:12

“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39

1 year ago  /  6 notes

What Do I Know?

I’ve been in Virginia Beach for over three months now. In some ways it feels like I just arrived last week, but in another sense it seems like I’ve been here for years. I still feel like the “new guy,” but my life in Kentucky seems so far away now. Perhaps it’s due to the inevitability of change that comes with time and growth. Or maybe it’s simply my bad memory getting the best of me. I’ve transitioned well, but I do miss my close family. I’m a “Mama’s Boy” and I’m not ashamed.

I’m not homesick at all. I don’t miss Kentucky. It will always be the “homeland,” but I’m glad I got out. And it’s nothing against Kentucky or those who live within its borders (which includes nearly all of my family), I simply can’t imagine any series of events that would enable me to have any sort of future there. I’ve seemingly known for much of my life that I needed to leave.

I don’t know where I’ll be in twenty years. Maybe I’ll be here. Maybe I’ll be in Oklahoma. Or Japan. Or Australia. Or dead. There are different schools of thought on how to live life, the planning involved, and what makes us successful. I’m sure there are many who would say I’m being irresponsible by not having some sort of long term plan, but honestly, I don’t care about what’s labeled “smart”.

What do I know about the future? Regardless of my location and situation God holds it all in His hand. He’s seen it all and He knows exactly how I’m going to react. He knows when I’m going to screw up and when I’m going to doubt, but He also knows when I’m going to shine. What’s my plan? To simply allow God to lead me wherever He wishes. God’s given me a worldwide vision. For a small town boy it’s hard to come to terms with such a thing. I still have a hard time actually telling someone about it because I don’t think people believe I have the ability. And honestly, I don’t. But I believe anything is possible as long as I’m surrendered to God.

You: “You really have this kind of faith?”

Me: “Yes. I don’t believe in a faith that only requires minimal effort. What kind of faith is that? Whatever we do, I think we should do it with overwhelming zeal. Don’t hold back. Hot or cold. There’s no room for lukewarm.”

But who am I to say?

1 year ago  /  1 note

Worship Reflection 8.8.10

We were without a drummer for worship this week, so I decided to choose a set that we could do well acoustically. I wasn’t sure how it would go being the first time we’ve done worship without percussion in my three months at Essential, but here are my thoughts…

Before beginning I told the church that we were trying something a little simpler. A bit more intimate. I reminded them that worship isn’t about a song we sing, but giving all of ourselves in every moment of every day. The songs we sing on Sunday morning are simply done to assist the body worship together. I also encouraged everyone to worship as God led them…

I still feel awkward when speaking and setting up songs, but I think it’s mostly due to knowing it’s my “weak” area. I feel comfortable in knowing that God will lead me and give me the proper words to say, but it may not be elegant and “professional”. Sometimes I think we’re too worried about doing things “right”. A few moments of collective awkwardness isn’t necessarily a bad thing. This is the reason I feel uncomfortable with it at the moment. I’m trying to find that balance between following the Spirit’s leading and keeping myself “on track”. 

Other than the set-up at the beginning of the first service, I felt that worship went well. People seemed to sing (although I’ll be honest and say that my eyes were closed much of the time). Following worship of our second service Joe (today’s speaker) asked the church to applaud my efforts since coming to Essential. It was a nice gesture and I appreciated the response from the congregation. I always feel incredibly weird in those situations. Should I stand and wave with a huge smile on my face and risk being called “prideful?” Should I simply walk to my seat without acknowledging them? Couldn’t they interpret this reaction as me shrugging them off? If someone knows the proper etiquette for such situations please let me know.

All things considered both services went well. The highlight of my week, however, was our worship practice Friday night. The worship team and I just took some time to share what we’re all going through right now and it was a great experience. The 90 minute practice consisted of 30 minutes of music and 60 minutes of sharing. Hopefully this is something that continues in the future as we develop our relationships further and carry one another’s burdens. So much of my time is spent preparing for Sunday worship, but it’s times like Friday night that make it all worthwhile.

Setlist:

• Holy Is The Lord
• I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever
• Better Is One Day
• You Never Let Go
• All Creatures

Love.

Justin

1 year ago  /  1 note

God is Bigger

There are times when I, like you, get stressed. It is not a pleasant feeling. It’s in those moments when it’s so easy to only see the obstacle or deadline and forget to look to Jesus. Even though I’m a pastor, I am not a perfect man. I have momentary lapses of vision, judgment, and wisdom. There are times when I feel overwhelmed. As if perhaps God has given me a vision for something that is simply unattainable. After all, although most people see me as a pastor, songwriter, singer, and some even view me as a celebrity-in-the-making, I see myself through different eyes. I know I’m nothing special. I know I’m just like you. I know my struggles. My failures. Honestly, deep down, I think you’re better than me.

Another thought: God created me as I am for a reason. This is a basic truth. I’ve occasionally wondered whether life experiences have made me into someone God didn’t intend. Maybe God created me with everything I needed to fulfill His purpose for my life, but life has stolen those traits/qualities or buried them many layers down. It’s an interesting thought, but in the end I think it’s my brain trying to rationalize and make excuses.

I wake up. I always wake up. This is one of the amazing things God does for me on a regular basis. Regardless of the situation, amount of stress, pain, sorrow, and self-pity, God always wakes me up. Sometimes He allows me to gently open my eyes to see that He’s capable of handling any and every situation. Other times He nudges me. And of course, there are times when He slaps me. It hurts. It’s embarrassing. I want to disagree with Him for a while, but eventually I realize He only does it out of love.

To think that life has somehow stolen what God intended me to have at this point in my life is quite simply crazy. How can God, who knows all, sees all, is all, simply not take into account the things I go through in my life? If God is God, how can this be? The answer? It can’t be! God is infinite. He is eternal. He has no beginning nor an end. What is time to Him? Time only matters to us because it is a limited resource for us. We are born and we die. God is on a completely different plane. I like to visualize it this way:

The page is God and everything He sees. All of creation. Endless time. The lines represent individual lives. The beginning being birth and the end being death. God sees all of my life because He is that big! It’s difficult for us to wrap our minds around something like that because we have nothing with which to compare it. But that’s the beauty of God. If He can see all of my life, doesn’t it only make sense that He knows what I’m going to go through? He saw it all before He made me. He didn’t give me something that could be stolen by the experiences I’ve had/will have. God takes these events, good and bad, into account as He creates us. Life is not a surprise to Him. He is the inventor. The master. It’s His show. He knows every line and knows exactly what we need.

Let this be some encouragement. It doesn’t matter what you’re facing. Maybe it’s a health issue. Possibly pain or shame left by something from your past. Or maybe it’s just an exam that’s really got you stressing. Remember that God is big enough to see you through it. And you have everything you need to fulfill His plan for your life. Don’t ever give up.

Love.

1 year ago  /  1 note

I Want to be Despicable, Too!

I had the privilege of watching “Despicable Me” Wednesday night with my wife and a couple friends. You haven’t seen it? What are you waiting for? Seriously, drop everything and go right now. And take your family. If you haven’t guessed, I loved it. 

I can’t help but be somewhat envious of main character, Gru (voiced by Steve Carell). I mean seriously, he’s devoted his entire life to being a villain. What exactly does this mean? Basically, he does whatever he wants when he wants to do it. Who hasn’t wanted to just randomly kick someone in the shin! Or give a kid a balloon just to pop it in his/her face! How liberating that would feel! What about the next time you’re in the “10 items or less” line in the supermarket and the person in front of you has an overflowing buggy? You know you’d love to push them down, stomp on their finger, and check out. If you’re honest with yourself I think you’ll agree.

Or maybe I’m alone in my momentary desires to be despicable. My gut, however, tells me that this is fairly common. I can’t say with complete authority that I know the thing that makes us have this desire, but I know we have it. We all know what we want and if we don’t get it we’re disappointed (as if life is about us). So what happens when we act upon those urges? Are we liberated? In a sense. But once we act on it, won’t we then feel obligated to continue our villainous ways? And once this happens aren’t we in need of liberating again? We are slaves to our character. Puppets on invisible strings.

In all honesty, I could never follow through with my despicability (yes, I did just create that word). I’m too afraid and soft-hearted to purposefully hurt someone. It’s my curse. In the meantime, I’ll sit in front of my computer stroking my beard and daydream of life on the “other side”. In reality, I’m quite sure this is one of those “grass is always greener” scenarios. I love my straight edge life. Maybe one of these days I’ll wear skinny jeans and have a temporary tattoo on my arm. I’ll end with this: Don’t be afraid of me if you see me somewhere. I’m probably more afraid of you.

Love.

1 year ago  /  1 note

Not A Great Post, But…

Today/yesterday was my first beach service since being in Virginia Beach. How was it? Well, here are some observations:

• I don’t know the exact number of attendees, but I’m estimating the number to be between 150 and 200.
• Everyone seemed to enjoy it.
• I personally heard some compliments on our “Jesus loves you” banner from some random people at the beach.
• It was quite warm with temperatures in the 90s…and mostly sunny.
• I’m impressed that I managed to not get a terrible sunburn. I suppose sunscreen works after all.
• Pastor Steve’s message was awesome (as usual).
• The church was below the norm for worship (the only negative I can think of). I think that’s to be somewhat expected with the setting, but being the worship pastor I can’t help but to think of how much room for growth there is in our worship.
• It was great to see families enjoying the day together.

I need a man according to Pastor Steve! Actually, he wasn’t speaking specifically to me but that was the core of the message. I know it’s almost taboo these days, but a man has an extremely important role in the family. God has a specific part to be played by men, but how many actually accept it? Once you realize the significance of a strong, loving father you begin to understand one of Satan’s greatest triumphs of our time: the disappearing dad. How many single mothers do you know? How many fathers won’t support their families? How many fathers just leave? I’ve thought for the last couple of years that this is an area of great concern…
It’s time for sleep. Thanks for reading. 

1 year ago  /  1 note

Strawberries and a Sunburn

Today marks the start of my fourth week in Virginia Beach. In some ways it seems as though I was still in Kentucky yesterday, but in others it seems so long ago. Time moves so fast when you’re busy, and yeah, I’ve been quite busy, but I feel so much different than a month ago. I can’t really specify a reason for that change, but I like it.

I know that God has amazing things in store for me (beyond anything I can imagine, and I have a creative mind). For nearly four years I’ve held on to that promise. People have doubted me over and over again and there were one or two occasions when I questioned myself as well. When nothing seems to happen it can be hard to understand that God is moving. Nonetheless, I know God is faithful. Always and forever.

And that brings us to where I am today. I feel like I’m on the right path and I’m growing. I’ve even surprised myself with the amount of growth I’ve experienced over the past three weeks. I’m very blessed to have people around me who encourage me. A few simple words can go a long way. I’m extremely thankful for that encouragement.

This past week was incredibly busy. The church had a float in the Pungo Strawberry Festival parade and our band had the privilege of playing some live music while riding on a 10’ x 5’ trailer. How did it go? Well, I was happy when we actually fit on the trailer. We were quite snug and a couple of the guys nearly fell along the parade route. But I’m happy to report that there were no injuries and we had the 2nd best float. We also had a cookout/games after our two Sunday services. I got a bit of a sunburn (for those of you in Kentucky you know how easily that happens to me), but nothing too bad. Oh, and part of my left hand got pinched pretty badly while I was helping another staff member take down some tents after the cookout. I believe I may need to insure my hands…

So what does this week hold? I’m not sure yet. Hopefully some great worship Sunday…
Here’s a link to a video of me doing a song my first weekend here. Hope you enjoy! Justin Harris at Essential Church

2 years ago  /  1 note